When it comes to defending themselves from an attack, too many people confuse self defense situations with a fair fight. In order to protect yourself in the best way possible, you must understand the key differences between these two situations.
First, there are no rules when you are being attacked. You cannot expect your attacker to fight fair. Nothing is out, including weapons and “unfair” fighting tactics like eye gouging or hits below the belt. As the victim, you must keep this in mind, using every method you know to fight back against an attack. Ignore everything you’ve been taught about what makes a “fair” fight, because this is not one.
When force is used to compel somebody to participate in some sexual act then that is categorized as sexual abuse. Vulnerabilities in some individuals allow them to become victims.For example,a partner may be unable to reject participation due such things as pressure, alcohol influence, immaturity or disability.In family relationships such as marriages and friendships, it si not that easy to find this type of brutality.
The symptoms are not so obvious when someone is emotionally abused. Emotionally victimized persons may be financially and economically depended on the abusive person.The victim may be subjected to humiliation, embarrassment in public and isolation from friends and relatives,if found to be out of step. Sometimes threats to revel some painful state of affairs or preventing access to financial resources may be employed to pressure a victim.
Our sexuality is a complex process, far beyond the meeting of genitals; and it is a process that envelops the human being in a cocoon of sensuality. It begins in the womb with the fetus bathed in liquid warmth, nurtured by the very blood of its mother, and comforted by the ever-present beating of that nearby heart. Nine months of such intimacy from our earliest moments, leaves us craving that closeness for the rest of our lives. We search for it in relationship with living beings, and if we do not find it where it is most natural, we will substitute for it whatever will give us some comfort.
Our sexuality is as natural as any function of our body, and much more important, because it is so closely connected to our first sensual experience of consciousness in our mother’s womb. Our womb experience was totally sensual, and unless we find that sensuality outside the womb, we will not survive in any balanced human form. That is why children, if allowed to be what they naturally are, will crave to be held, touched and caressed. I once had a client who from the age of eight until the age of fifty-three when she completed her therapy, lived in a hell of shame and blame that caused her immune system to shut down, developing a terminal illness from which her doctors told her she would not recover. This lady, this eight-year-old child, deprived of normal human affection, gravitated to the only warmth and affection available in her cold and sterile environment, the gentle touch of the man who cleaned the floors of the of the hospital ward in which she was isolated. Over time he won her trust. He held her, he caressed her, took advantage of her trust and fondled her; but she looked forward to his presence every night, because his was the only affection she received during each long, lonely day.
Authoritarian characteristic and sheer longing to control other people may be the frequent determinants which drive someone to violent conduct towards others in a family relationship setting. Resorting to brutality as a method of overcoming inadequacy is a possible reason some people who feel incomplete in some way or have low self-satisfaction utilization.Complex factors like genetic, social and economic influences are some of the causes behind individuals who enjoy exercising their power over others.
We, our society, are to blame for the life-long suffering of these children, not only because we program them about how terrible childhood abuse is, but because we have taken away from them the one ability they instinctively have that can save them from it. A child may be too young to know the difference between a leg, an arm, a butt, and a crotch, but there is a way for children to instinctively “know” if someone means them harm. That natural, instinctive knowledge is programmed out of most of them from birth, leaving them utterly defenseless. Then we blame, stigmatize the abused child. In some countries, young people are even put to death if they are raped. Do you remember seeing those horrible security tapes showing the teenage girl in Florida being meekly lead away to her death? How about clergy abuse, how does that happen? Those events did not have to happen, because there is a way to give that instinct back to children, and it will protect them very well. Child abuse prevention begins in the mind of the child, and I’m not talking about spreading more fear with stranger danger, but about giving them back their deepest, most inherent instincts that every mammal has, and that we have taken away from our children. It’s far worse than de-clawing our family cat and then putting it outside to fend for itself.
In a related article called Healing the Children, we’ll talk specifically about what this instinctive ability is, how it works, and how we can re-activate it in our children for their well being for the rest of their lives. Incidentally, all of us have this dormant instinct that can provide us with every personal answer we will ever need to create a life of abundance as we walk through our days
Resource Author Francisco R. Higueras
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